Anxiety is not fixed with encouragement alone

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” “You’ve got this.” “Just be brave and give it a go.”

These are the kinds of well-meaning reassurances we often give to anxious students. The intention is good. We want to help them feel more confident, to see that things will work out, to believe in themselves. But for a young person stuck in a cycle of anxiety, encouragement on its own is not enough.

In fact, when anxiety is severe or persistent, reassurance can sometimes make things worse.

Why reassurance doesn’t always help

For a student experiencing anxiety, the issue is not a lack of encouragement. It’s a physiological and cognitive response that is telling them they are in danger, even when there’s no real threat.

In those moments, the brain is wired for avoidance. The student is not choosing to be defiant or dramatic. Their nervous system is doing its job too well. Simply telling them that they’ll be okay does little to change that.

Reassurance may work in the short term, but if it becomes the default response, it can create a cycle. The student feels anxious, seeks reassurance, feels temporary relief, and then the anxiety returns – often stronger. Over time, this can train the brain to rely on reassurance rather than learning to tolerate discomfort or uncertainty.

What actually helps anxious children or teens?

What makes a difference is giving students tools and support to gradually face the things they fear, not to avoid them.

This means helping them:

• Understand what anxiety is and how it works in the body

• Notice their anxious thoughts without reacting to them

• Learn calming strategies that help them stay in the moment

• Approach feared situations in small, manageable steps

• Receive consistent responses from adults who remain calm and firm.

Crucially, it means resisting the urge to rescue them from every uncomfortable situation. Instead, we help them stay with the discomfort long enough to realise they can survive it and even succeed despite it.

What this looks like in schools

When schools commit to addressing anxiety in a structured, consistent way, students begin to build real resilience. That doesn’t mean teachers become therapists. It means school staff are equipped with shared language, evidence-informed strategies, and a plan for responding to anxious behaviour that is calm, predictable, and consistent.

It also means being prepared to respond when anxiety shows up as school or task refusal, shutdowns, or avoidance. These are often not defiance or disrespect, but protective responses. Understanding that – and having strategies to address it – makes a meaningful difference in both student outcomes and staff wellbeing.

The role of culture

In many school environments, anxiety is handled quietly: avoided, managed through accommodations (classroom structures that allow a student to avoid a difficult or challenging task that they are developmentally capable of), or left to specialists. However, building true resilience requires a culture change that provides 360 degree supports around a student and involves all of the adults in a student's life singing from the same songbook.

It involves:

• Aligning classroom strategies with student support approaches

• Engaging parents in consistent messaging about anxiety and avoidance

• Training staff across roles to respond in unified, effective ways to students presenting with anxiety

• Holding boundaries with compassion and consistent language

• Normalising anxiety as something to manage, not something to fear.

This is not about pushing students to “get over it.” It is about supporting them to move through it, with adults who understand both the science of anxiety and the reality of the classroom.

Final thought

Encouragement is important. Every young person needs adults who believe in them. But for students dealing with anxiety, belief is not enough. They need skills. They need structure. And they need calm, consistent adults who will walk with them as they face their fears, not walk them away from it.

Join schools over 200 schools across Australia implementing our evidence-based, whole-school community approach to effectively manage student anxiety and build resilient thinking skills in children through The Anxiety Project and Resilience In Our Teens projects.