Topping most children’s Santa list will be some sort of technology, whether it be a gaming console, smartphone or new game. Before we fill their Santa sacks with technology, it is important that we are informed about how our child’s relationship with technology shapes their world.
When I am teaching a course to parents and discuss technology and young people, I refer to the internet as an “invited guest, not an assumed resident”. This ultimately means that we may not be able to control what happens “out there” on the net, but we can control what happens under our roof. What’s more, we should control it, because it has big implications for our efforts to protect our children’s mental well-being. Increasingly we are finding out that their well-being is affected if we don’t take steps to manage our children’s screen-time: use of mobile phones, online gaming, internet access (including social media) and the way they use technology.
There’s some big-ticket items that affect children’s well-being when we don’t manage their online behaviour. While the internet should not be seen as the bogeyman here – there are many fantastic features to it – like education, communication, entertainment and online communities - there are also some effects that are detrimental.
lack of sleep and downtime to help their minds recuperate,
already anxious children can use gaming to self soothe,
the digital footprint that can be unknowingly set down by children and young people which, in turn affects their futures.
Sleep is important for normal functioning
We can see from the previous section that we all require minimum amounts of sleep to function properly. Children need more sleep than adults – hours more. This means that for their healthy development and ability to cope at school and not be on knife’s edge at home, they need to get to bed on time and to develop a “going-to-sleep” routine that will help them get proper rest.
Teenagers need, on average, nine hours sleep a night. That means that if they are getting up at 7.00am to get ready for school, they need to be in bed at 10.00pm most nights. If we need an hour’s time away from screens (not including TVs which emit a different light) for melatonin to drop down to help us to go off to sleep then, teenagers should be off their screens – phones, laptops, gaming consoles and iPads by 9.00pm. How often do you think this is happening around our country? Not much according to some experts who say that the vast majority of teenagers are only getting less than seven hours sleep per night. Lack of sleep, as we know, results in our children feelings irritable and grumpy and foggy-headed for learning. So, if I was to give you a major reason to get involved in your kids’ screen-time it would be to see that they get the right amount of sleep. Keep this in mind when considering technology for Christmas. Where will the gaming console be kept?
Laying down a digital footprint can be a ruinous to one’s reputation
Many kids don’t think about the consequences of their behaviour not because they are just being reckless, but because the part of their long-range forecasting ability is still being built in their brains. That means that they can and will post things online that they might later regret. These days more and more bosses and institutions are looking at potential candidates’ online profile. While it will take me a while to know why many young people live such public lives in the internet rather than taking appropriate pride in their privacy, I am also convinced we can help them to protect themselves from themselves by assisting them to set up appropriate privacy settings on social media accounts (which is so easy to do) and by installing basic internet filters to stop our children going to inappropriate websites which can distort their view of relationships (violent and pornographic websites) and encourage self-destruction (anorexia and suicide sites). There are some free filters around - one being K-9 for example - which are easy to download and are easy to set-up. These can help you get control of “the guest”, and which can prevent damage from forming in the first place.
The big strong message here about technology is to protect our children while they live with you, for as long as possible. That means remaining vigilant, not anxiously vigilant, but enough to help them live a balanced life where the internet is of benefit to them and a part of a balance of activities that they do. Any more than two hours online a day is probably too much in my books but that is probably an individual preference. What we do know is that tweens and teens without a good internal rudder (something known as an ‘internal locus of control’), can be fodder for savvy marketers and those who would want to take advantage of them.
Tips to manage
You don’t need to throw all the gaming equipment away.
Manage screen time. “Screen time” is how much time your anxious child spends in front of the screen every day, whether it’s to watch TV, surf the Internet or engage in gaming. The recommended screen time for kids over age five is no more than two hours per day. Kids aged two to five should get no more than one hour of screen time per day.
Pick the right games. Reviewing the ratings from the Entertainment Software Rating Board and reading the blurb on the game box can go a long way toward opting for games that provide benefits rather than violence, violence and more violence. If you’re unsure if a game is right for your anxious child, try borrowing them before buying.
Interact. You can also play games with your child to further check out what a game is all about. This doubles as a way for them to teach you what they know and spend some of that together time that is often lacking in today’s hurly-burly world. Gaming or engaging in screen time together also lets you open up discussions on what they are viewing on the screen.
Go for balance. Encourage your child to include a variety of activities in his or her schedule. While he or she can still engage in screen time, help him or her mix it up a bit with some physical activities, creative projects or even hanging out or playing with friends. Balance out indoor and outdoor activities, time alone doing homework and time in social situations having fun.
